Vanyamgom Sagfobhun is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, omnipotent guinea pig.

Vanyamgom Sagfobhun created Asia six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanyamgom Sagfobhun, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vanyamgom Sagfobhun, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Vanyamgom Sagfobhun's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Vanyamgom Sagfobhun's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never eat corn.

5. Pray towards the west.