Tifjipvag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, vain tapir.

Tifjipvag created life six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifjipvag, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tifjipvag, she will turn you into a plant.

Tifjipvag's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Tifjipvag's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not sing in public.

3. Do not speak about turnips.

4. Retreat if seven squirrels approach from the west.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.