Motyarlgam is a god.

It takes the form of a large, ruthless aardvark.

Motyarlgam created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Motyarlgam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Motyarlgam, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Motyarlgam's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Motyarlgam's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. You must pray to Motyarlgam three times a day.