Gunortgat is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, wise bear.

Gunortgat created a Higgs boson two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gunortgat, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gunortgat, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Gunortgat's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Gunortgat's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.