Lamyarphunkap is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, two-faced salamander.

Lamyarphunkap created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lamyarphunkap, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lamyarphunkap, she will cry a lot.

Lamyarphunkap's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Lamyarphunkap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Lamyarphunkap in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always help grasshopers in need.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.