Matbogwat is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, sage narwhal.

Matbogwat created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Matbogwat, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Matbogwat, it will destroy your favourite star.

Matbogwat's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Matbogwat's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat snakes with great respect.

2. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not keep nine sharks in a large pit.

4. Never feed wheat to shrews while wearing jumpers.

5. Pray towards the north.