Guppakgil is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, contented giraffe.

Guppakgil created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Guppakgil, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Guppakgil, it will turn you into a puffin.

Guppakgil's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Guppakgil's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face orange.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never wear rings.

4. Never talk about rats.

5. Sharks are not to be trusted.