Hakcunstik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, weak naga.

Hakcunstik created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakcunstik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hakcunstik, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hakcunstik's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Hakcunstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hakcunstik.