Loopquampang is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, clever goblin.

Loopquampang created vertebrates two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopquampang, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Loopquampang, he will make you grow a tail.

Loopquampang's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Loopquampang's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near rats while wearing indigo scarves.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Run away from black cats, for they are unholy.

4. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

5. Never go into fawn rooms.