Fetxinjat is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, tranquil raccoon.

Fetxinjat created an up quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fetxinjat, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fetxinjat, he will turn you into a tree.

Fetxinjat's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Fetxinjat's Holy Commandments

1. Fetxinjat must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always obey Fetxinjat's priests.

3. Never talk about dark matter.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Fetxinjat loves tortoises, so they must be respected.