Bassvenvab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, fast parrot.

Bassvenvab created the cosmos nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassvenvab, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Bassvenvab, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bassvenvab's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Bassvenvab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Bassvenvab in the centre of the settlement.

2. Hide if six great tits approach from the east.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Run away from violet porpoises, for they are unholy.