Tettidapquamvab is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, effective crab.

Tettidapquamvab created the planet Earth six million years ago.

If you believe in Tettidapquamvab, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tettidapquamvab, he will turn you into a snail.

Tettidapquamvab's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tettidapquamvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair mauve.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Tettidapquamvab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Hide from black badgers for they are unholy.

5. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.