Hatjenbom Bamfitbot is a god.

She takes the form of a large, dishonourable otter.

Hatjenbom Bamfitbot created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatjenbom Bamfitbot, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hatjenbom Bamfitbot, she will remove you from existence.

Hatjenbom Bamfitbot's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Hatjenbom Bamfitbot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Hatjenbom Bamfitbot's name in vain.

2. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Run away from white cats, for they are unholy.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.