Vognurlpak is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, idiotic octopus.

Vognurlpak created silver six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vognurlpak, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vognurlpak, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vognurlpak's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Vognurlpak's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never feed apples to whales while wearing ear rings.

3. Never think about special relativity.

4. Hide if seven aardvarks approach from the north.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vognurlpak.