Damwotzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, ill-tempered guinea pig.

Damwotzen created Africa two million years ago.

If you believe in Damwotzen, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Damwotzen, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Damwotzen's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Damwotzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not wear blue clothing.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.