Jigontlapbum is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, proud octopus.

Jigontlapbum created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jigontlapbum, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jigontlapbum, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Jigontlapbum's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Jigontlapbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear magenta clothing.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Never feed lots of apples to moths while wearing white tights.

4. Do not keep eight grasshopers in a large pit.

5. Do not cook food in pots.