Ontsabyam is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, prudent centipede.

Ontsabyam created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontsabyam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ontsabyam, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Ontsabyam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Ontsabyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always wear red.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate ducks.

5. Never bounce in the presence of eagles.