Kindibartmatnig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, ill-tempered rat.

Kindibartmatnig created the solar system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kindibartmatnig, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kindibartmatnig, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Kindibartmatnig's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Kindibartmatnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to frogs while wearing purple shorts.

2. Always help sick monkeys.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not speak about gooseberries.

5. Never play with disobedient children.