Kankabnut is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, strong dog.

Kankabnut created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kankabnut, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kankabnut, she will cry a lot.

Kankabnut's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Kankabnut's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kankabnut.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Kankabnut on top of all buildings.

3. Do not wear green clothing.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never look in ponds.