Latkimquill is a god.

She takes the form of a small, pitiless gorilla.

Latkimquill created light nine million years ago.

If you believe in Latkimquill, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Latkimquill, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Latkimquill's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Latkimquill's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Latkimquill.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never talk about dwarf planets.

4. Do not keep nine manatees in a large pit.

5. Worship no other gods but Latkimquill.