Likortfag is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, ruthless monkey.

Likortfag created carbon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Likortfag, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Likortfag, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Likortfag's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Likortfag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt manatees.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never think about special relativity near voles while wearing blue trousers and balancing three aluminium spheres on your arms.

4. Likortfag must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.