Gattonktit is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, egotistical wombat.

Gattonktit created a bottom quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gattonktit, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gattonktit, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Gattonktit's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gattonktit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear green clothing.

2. Gattonktit loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

3. Hide from black tortoises for they are unholy.

4. Never write about nucleic acids.

5. Do not kill manatees.