Tarcabmis is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, calm tortoise.

Tarcabmis created energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarcabmis, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarcabmis, he will turn you into a mole.

Tarcabmis' most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Tarcabmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never mention frogs.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.