Lapkablatcipcad is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unfair giraffe.

Lapkablatcipcad created oxygen five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapkablatcipcad, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lapkablatcipcad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Lapkablatcipcad's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Lapkablatcipcad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Do not keep three monkeys in a large pit.