Dogjarndav is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, astonishing cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Dogjarndav created the cosmos five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dogjarndav, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dogjarndav, he will not invite you to parties.

Dogjarndav's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Dogjarndav's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. You must pray to Dogjarndav seven times a day.

3. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Dogjarndav in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never talk about fire.