Faslunrut is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, bad-tempered cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Faslunrut created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Faslunrut, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Faslunrut, he will turn you into a plant.

Faslunrut's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Faslunrut's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near manatees.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink alcohol.