Banlakrull is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, humorless walrus.

Banlakrull created a quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Banlakrull, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Banlakrull, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Banlakrull's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Banlakrull's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Banlakrull loves voles, so they must be respected.

5. Banlakrull loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.