Lapbitquam Sugvogsin is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, proud mole.

Lapbitquam Sugvogsin created the Milkyway eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapbitquam Sugvogsin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lapbitquam Sugvogsin, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lapbitquam Sugvogsin's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Lapbitquam Sugvogsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.