Nakyogtof is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, all-powerful turtle.

Nakyogtof created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakyogtof, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nakyogtof, he will manifest in front of you.

Nakyogtof's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Nakyogtof's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never feed lots of limes to rats while wearing blue jumpers.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Never write about archaea.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.