Wigmumfum is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humane zebra.

Wigmumfum created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wigmumfum, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Wigmumfum, he will turn you into a sheep.

Wigmumfum's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Wigmumfum's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Wigmumfum.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about spacetime near ducks while wearing brown scarves and balancing four tin spheres on your head.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never look at moons.