Vontettigut is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, clever hippopotamus.

Vontettigut created an atom eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vontettigut, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vontettigut, he will destroy your home planet.

Vontettigut's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Vontettigut's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vontettigut.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Retreat if four grasshopers approach from the south.