Jamjopcad is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unthoughtful seal.

Jamjopcad created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamjopcad, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jamjopcad, he will have a low opinion of you.

Jamjopcad's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Jamjopcad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Run away if five snails approach from the east.