Tamkanrilflamcitzedcimvan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, omniscient parrot.

Tamkanrilflamcitzedcimvan created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tamkanrilflamcitzedcimvan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tamkanrilflamcitzedcimvan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tamkanrilflamcitzedcimvan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Tamkanrilflamcitzedcimvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never hurt squirrels.

4. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.