Zedpadtan is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish salamander.

Zedpadtan created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zedpadtan, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zedpadtan, she will remove you from existence.

Zedpadtan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Zedpadtan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about beans.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never paint your feet violet.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.