Jiplakkik is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, dishonourable porpoise.

Jiplakkik created the Cigar Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Jiplakkik, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jiplakkik, it will try to impress you with trees.

Jiplakkik's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Jiplakkik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats in need.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not hurt snails.

4. Never wear kilts.

5. Never talk about black holes.