Timloggem is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, kind spider.

Timloggem created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Timloggem, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Timloggem, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Timloggem's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Timloggem's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never wear rings.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never leap in the presence of snails.

5. Never feed lots of onions to tortoises while wearing green skirts.