Bimtailbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, egotistical cobra.

Bimtailbarn created vertebrates six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bimtailbarn, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bimtailbarn, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bimtailbarn's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bimtailbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never talk about sheep.