Tarpsawhad is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, weak lobster.

Tarpsawhad created the Sol system two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpsawhad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tarpsawhad, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tarpsawhad's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Tarpsawhad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Always look after injured otters.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarpsawhad.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.