Femjiplib is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, duplicitous troll.

Femjiplib created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Femjiplib, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Femjiplib, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Femjiplib's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Femjiplib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near frogs while wearing magenta kilts and balancing nine zinc spheres on your feet.

2. Put Femjiplib first in all things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not eat onions.

5. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Femjiplib in the centre of the settlement.