Bagnuttdabbass Gutcanbogdot is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, pitiless swan.

Bagnuttdabbass Gutcanbogdot created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagnuttdabbass Gutcanbogdot, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bagnuttdabbass Gutcanbogdot, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bagnuttdabbass Gutcanbogdot's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Bagnuttdabbass Gutcanbogdot's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near great tits while wearing turquoise rings and balancing nine carbon spheres on your head.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near seals while wearing blue ear rings and balancing eight silver spheres on your feet.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.