Lapjamquill is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, emotional armadillo.

Lapjamquill created a Higgs boson six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapjamquill, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lapjamquill, it will destroy your home planet.

Lapjamquill's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Lapjamquill's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five voles approach from the south.

2. Never eat beans.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never wear dresses.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Lapjamquill.