Fubcutved is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, bad-tempered seal.

Fubcutved created humankind eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fubcutved, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fubcutved, it will boil you in a big pot.

Fubcutved's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Fubcutved's Holy Commandments

1. Always help manatees in need.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Hide from brown otters for they are unholy.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.