Tarpflanont is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, selfish tortoise.

Tarpflanont created the planet Mars five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpflanont, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tarpflanont, she will turn you into a puffin.

Tarpflanont's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Tarpflanont's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never feed nuts to turtles while wearing skirts.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not eat parsnips.