Arphasvid is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, clever sheep.

Arphasvid created the cosmos two years ago.

If you believe in Arphasvid, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Arphasvid, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Arphasvid's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Arphasvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention cats.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Retreat if eight moths approach from the west.

5. Never run in the presence of turtles.