Bellbedxen is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, dishonourable shrew.

Bellbedxen created Asia eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bellbedxen, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bellbedxen, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Bellbedxen's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Bellbedxen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Do not cook food in pots.