Fosskenmat is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, grumpy pigeon.

Fosskenmat created silver seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fosskenmat, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fosskenmat, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fosskenmat's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Fosskenmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of bananas to eagles while wearing mauve shirts.

2. Always treat manatees with great respect.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never feed turnips to dogs while wearing stockings.

5. Learn six new languages a year.