Cebbagmap Zimyarnell is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, humorless monkey.

Cebbagmap Zimyarnell created the planet Earth seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cebbagmap Zimyarnell, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cebbagmap Zimyarnell, she will remove you from existence.

Cebbagmap Zimyarnell's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Cebbagmap Zimyarnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of wheat to capybaras while wearing black trousers.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Feed all hungry squirrels.

4. Never chant near ducks.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.