Kabtagcum is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, unsympathetic hedgehog.

Kabtagcum created life four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabtagcum, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kabtagcum, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Kabtagcum's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Kabtagcum's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always help aardvarks in need.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never think about spacetime near sheep while wearing white corsets and balancing seven carbon spheres on your arms.

5. Never feed lots of strawberries to doves while wearing violet boots.