Futxensigfondottigbot is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, competent seal.

Futxensigfondottigbot created a charm quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Futxensigfondottigbot, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Futxensigfondottigbot, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Futxensigfondottigbot's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Futxensigfondottigbot's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

2. Never mention sheep.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Never go into red rooms.

5. Learn six new languages a year.