Lakkenwat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless jaguar.

Lakkenwat created life four years ago.

If you believe in Lakkenwat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lakkenwat, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lakkenwat's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Lakkenwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shoes.

2. Never hurt porpoises.

3. Birds are not to be trusted.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.